A Letter to My Husband In This Awkward Phase of Marriage


The other day we were watching our show on Netflix, and I loved the smile on your face when you talked excitedly about one of the main characters and his house boat.

“That’s cool!” You exclaimed. “When the kids move out we’re gonna get one of those, you and me. That would be awesome!

“Yeah,” I answered. “That would be cool.”

Shortly after that our show ended and we went about the busyness of putting kids to bed. That 40 minutes or so where we watch television together is about the extent of our alone time most days. That’s just the norm. That’s the phase of life we’re in right now.

We’re in a phase where living on a house boat would be impossible. Aside from having zero storage capacity for the one zillion, unneeded toys that fill our current home, we’d never rest for fear of youngsters toppling off into the cool drink during that 65 seconds of alone time we each manage to squeeze in the bathroom 3-5 times a week.

We’re in a phase where we’re always tired, and we’ll try to stay up late to spend quiet time together, but most nights we nod off simultaneously from opposite sides of the room. It’s that place in life where you wanna feel sexy, but that seems to take more energy than you’re sure you want to muster. It’s that place where sometimes you just settle for comfortable silence in the same room cause that’s really all you’ve been craving the whole day long.

We’re in a phase where our children take the majority of our energies. And I know you love it as much as I do. But I’m tired. You’re tired. We’re worn thin. Somedays I think we’re both just holding on tight to this wild ride we’re on. We catch kisses along the way, hold hands happily and smile at the quirky, cute things they do, but we also trudge through a lot of days salivating over the thought of bedtime. Just to do it over again the next day. And the days start to blend together, rushing by so quick.

You’ll mention to me, “the baby’s getting big!”


And I’ll agree. They’re growing before our very eyes. We see how fast this phase is zooming by. So we hold on for dear life. We hold on to one another. We hold up one another. We hang in there on the bad days, and we try not to miss the fact of how blessed we are to be in this phase together.

Cause here’s the thing. Our house is crazy! It’s crazy dirty, crazy chaotic, crazy exhausting, and crazy demanding. But it’s also crazy wonderful. And I can’t imagine anyone I’d rather do crazy with than you.

One day it will be different. The girls we pour so much into will venture out into the world. Hopefully they’ll pour out the great things we’re instilling right now to those around them. And hopefully they’ll forget all the not great stuff.

One day our nest will be empty of little chicks, but one thing will remain. Us. I hope you see that I try to pour much of my energy into us also. It’s not always easy to see that during this phase, but I do. You’re the one I share now with, but also the one I’ll share later with. I’m grateful for that.

So we may have an overloaded kitchen sink and an overwhelmed agenda, but baby, we also got the dream. We’re living it. It’s sometimes frustrating, but most times wonderful. And I can think of no one I’d rather pass out on the couch at the end of the day with than you. During this phase of our marriage, and during every phase that will follow, I’m super glad I get to do life with you.

Here’s to a full house and even fuller hearts. I thank God for you every day.

This article was written by, and originally appeared at BrieGowen.com.

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